Did They Really Change?

I believe it has become one of the most popular questions; Can People Really change there ways… We have all at one time or another saw someone we love doing something that is clearly not the healthiest decision and You get yourself in to the whirl wind of trying to help them and usaully we have no success. It can be one of the most painful situations because it puts us in a place where we have to make a choice between ourselves and that person and there behavior. With many people this can be a long and painful process. For example, I have a cousin who has been a Heroin addict since I was a little girl. I rememebr what she was like before the drug, Kind and fun, she was a good mom to my cousin and everyone in my family loved her. Now I am 28 and for about the 10th time this girl is back in all of our lives. She said she has changed and had a baby during the drug phase ( again) This poor child is with her and seeing the people around her. My Family gets put in the situation over and over with no real solution because of the love for this person. If you find yourslef in a position like this what do you do and should you continually give people a second chance?


1. If You Say No way these people can not change- Well for the most part the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior and there are so many examples of this the man who leaves one girl for another and then she finds him in bed with someone else. This solution definitly puts an end to your hurting but it also leaves a whole from turning you back on someone who is in a bad situation.


2. If You Are An Optimist And Believe in peoples ability to change- There are many examples of people who pick themselves up, and do what needs to be done. Yet alot of the time people need a wake up call befor they want to and the optimistic individual tends to enable by supporting the peoson through the tough time.


In reality it does not matter which side of the fence you are on with peoples ability to change there is only one thing you must learn and understand in order to show compassion towards the individual and still protect yourself from the hurt of others choices if they cant change.


Discernement– Which is defined as perception in the absense of judgement… This means having the ability to empathize and not judge with the person and yet still distance yourself from the behavior. We are not supposed to turn on backs on those in need but this does not always mean opening our doors and hearts to people who may take advantage. This is a very fine line to play when it comes to people we love and want the best for. We need to use facts to help provide people with what they need and let them make their own choices on taken the help. We need to be careful not to allow and help behaviors that will hurt ourselves because of our love. Instead Strength and the ability to see the truth need to come through.

Written by Nichole Grimshaw

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