Are you a Control Freak and How to Recognize One!


Recently I met someone who made me feel awful for being different than them, tried to make all plans for me including future plans and made me feel suffocated and uncomfortable. Have you ever just felt trapped by someone around you? This can be an extremely abusive relationship and the best thing to do is learn to recognize the signs so no one can drain you of your energy in order to gain some subconscious need of there own.


Signs that someone is controlling


– Try to embarrass you or put you down in front of other people

– Put down your Goals, Ideas because they do not meet there ultimate plan

– Make you feel like you can not make decisions or they simply make all the decisions

– They say they are nothing without you or they need you. (This is a guilt reaction to make you feel bad )

– Touch you or invade your space often

– Blame you for how they act or feel ( This is a guilt reaction to make you feel bad) 

– Try to prevent you from doing what you want, seeing who you want, and acting the way you want… Instead you always do what they want instead of what you want

– They are excessively jealous  

– Do they do nice things and throw it in your face afterwards


– Do you often feel scared of how this person will feel or act

– Do you need to make excuses to others for this persons behavior

– Are you walking on eggshells in order to please this person

– Do you feel like they would not be this way of you changed something about yourself


These are all signs that someone has serious issues of their own and gaining your needs through taking the energy and happiness from others is extremely unhealthy. People who need excessive control tend to do things only to meet their own needs and have no real need for yours. They may love you but will see any push away from them as a slight and try to guilt you back in to the control cycle. The best solution to this problem is to distance your self from the control and stand your ground remember you only lose yourself if you allow them to gain something from you. Instead think of these people as a child throwing a tantrum and ignore it and whatever you do don’t feel bad. You do nothing wrong by not giving away yourself!

written by Nichole Grimshaw

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Where are you getting your energy from- (Control Dramas)-



Letting go of Judgment-

Where are you getting your Energy from?




The concept of Control Dramas first appeared when we saw the popularity of the Celestine Prophecy. This Book written by James Redfield brings up the concept of energy sharing between individuals. Everything in the universe is made up of energy and we all have our own field of energy. This energy can be positive or negative, fun, loving, etc… These fields change based on our emotions and we can control the energy around us based on our thoughts. Yet, we all need a source of energy to replace the energy we lose. The most enlightened of people will gain the source of energy from within themselves and the universe; however, most of us are taught to gain it from others through Control Dramas. There are 4 control dramas and each of us tend to fit in to one category as a main way of gaining energy from others.


4 Types of Control Dramas- 


1. Intimidator– This is the aggressive personality. the person who demands attention, respect, and authority. These people tend to gain energy from others through physical gestures, glares, yelling, etc…


2. Poor Me– This is the counterpart of the Intimidator and these people tend to be a by- product of having an intimidator in their life. These are the people who gain energy and attention through pity of others. They want people to constantly empathize with them. 


3. Interrogator– The interrogator is the person who tries to retrieve personal information by constant questioning. These people tend to need to know things like where someone is all the time, where people are going, saying, doing, and are constantly asking questions assuming that something is going on?


4. Aloof– The Aloof personality is in turn the counterpart of the interrogator. This control drama is the person who seems to take a back seat, never caring and is always indifferent to everything. This person makes people interrogate because of true lack of caring. Although, not controlling is important being aloof is more similar to neglect.


Our entire lives we have a constant depletion of energy from control dramas. These are small or large, in fact it seems almost impossible not to manipulate or control in some way using control dramas. For example, a teenager needs to drive a friend to the airport. This person says I will bring you if you pay for gas. This is an intimidator. Demanding of something for something else, and then the friend might say oh but I have no money for gas and then they become the Poor me. This is a very small example but they happen on various scales each day. So how can we Break these control dramas?


1. let go of Competition– Instead of competing with others cooperate. This may mean doing things without need for anything in order to readily give. Instead do not expect anything from anyone just give readily.

2. Fear– Let go of fear and imposing it on other people. Fear is a useless emotion which has no positive outcome. being fearful of a negative outcome in your life will only result in exactly what you think. If you find yourself in a control drama with another then let go, walk away and find someone who will help you and wants to cooperate.Release all fear!

3. Action vs. Reaction– Do not react to people and what they say. This is the hardest of all in my opinion because we all have the need to defend ourselves is someone is taking our energy. Instead just know yourself and who you are. no one should and can affect who you are as a person and your belief is yourself.  Action on the other hand is moving towards what you are drawn to do and will help you and others around you without depleting energy. It will be easy and feel good. The best example of this is when Jesus said Turn the other cheek!

Therefore, In order to manage control dramas all you need to do is begin to manage your own energy. These things can be done by finding peace with in yourself. This is through letting go and centering yourself. There are many ways to do this different breathing techniques, having high self worth, meditation, etc…. It is really your journey and your choice.


good ways to retrain your brain and gain self worth see post below


written by Nichole Grimshaw

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