I believe it has become one of the most popular questions; Can People Really change there ways… We have all at one time or another saw someone we love doing something that is clearly not the healthiest decision and You get yourself in to the whirl wind of trying to help them and usaully we have no success. It can be one of the most painful situations because it puts us in a place where we have to make a choice between ourselves and that person and there behavior. With many people this can be a long and painful process. For example, I have a cousin who has been a Heroin addict since I was a little girl. I rememebr what she was like before the drug, Kind and fun, she was a good mom to my cousin and everyone in my family loved her. Now I am 28 and for about the 10th time this girl is back in all of our lives. She said she has changed and had a baby during the drug phase ( again) This poor child is with her and seeing the people around her. My Family gets put in the situation over and over with no real solution because of the love for this person. If you find yourslef in a position like this what do you do and should you continually give people a second chance?
1. If You Say No way these people can not change- Well for the most part the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior and there are so many examples of this the man who leaves one girl for another and then she finds him in bed with someone else. This solution definitly puts an end to your hurting but it also leaves a whole from turning you back on someone who is in a bad situation.
2. If You Are An Optimist And Believe in peoples ability to change- There are many examples of people who pick themselves up, and do what needs to be done. Yet alot of the time people need a wake up call befor they want to and the optimistic individual tends to enable by supporting the peoson through the tough time.
In reality it does not matter which side of the fence you are on with peoples ability to change there is only one thing you must learn and understand in order to show compassion towards the individual and still protect yourself from the hurt of others choices if they cant change.
Discernement– Which is defined as perception in the absense of judgement… This means having the ability to empathize and not judge with the person and yet still distance yourself from the behavior. We are not supposed to turn on backs on those in need but this does not always mean opening our doors and hearts to people who may take advantage. This is a very fine line to play when it comes to people we love and want the best for. We need to use facts to help provide people with what they need and let them make their own choices on taken the help. We need to be careful not to allow and help behaviors that will hurt ourselves because of our love. Instead Strength and the ability to see the truth need to come through.
Lately I have been contemplating making some real big changes in my life due to the quality of others around me. like most people however; I m afraid of making such a large career change because of the uncertainty. I often need to reflect and remind myself that doing the same thing will only get me the same results. Well, what brought about this thinking is a man at my work who I cant seem to get along with. I have recognized that I am consistently on the defense of myself and my character lately. I had not always worked with Steve. Before he was in this position of running the show he never bothered with me and I was happy coming to work and writing and creating solutions the way I always have. Now that he is the overseeing people he has began to make me feel attacked and even though I do not believe this is his ultimate intention and is his attempt to do good job at the new position he is in. I have to now run everything I do by him and he does not even tell me what to do with it. yesterday, he informed me even though it was my own work I don’t need to know, he doesn’t care how I feel and I should worry about how he feels. I m on the defense and feel like work is now war. Has anyone else ever felt this way at work with someone who seems to be on a power trip of some kind? Well, for those of you who have or are now I m going to share my plan with you because there is only one reason people began to act defensive and that is because there is something to defend!
First of all, I am completely removing myself from the situation. someone has to realize there is no reason to fight for something when it hurts you. I am going to leave the job where I make great money and officially persue my own ventures full time…
Next, I am going to remember my own advice and be brave. sometimes doors close to help lead you in a better direction. Sometimes people ask why did god let this happen to me and these are the situations that make us stronger and redirect our paths. Trust in hat life brings and believe this is hat is suppose to happen.
Lastly, I am going to empathize with Steve so I can thank him for providing me with the opportunity he is providing me and so I can see what Steve must feel inside to make him act so poorly towards me and others who work there. Always put yourself in the shoes of others so you can see what the motivation is behind the action. I am positive that his worries must be far worse than mine and I am the Brave person to realize my defensiveness and make some real changes.
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