Why is Finding Love so Hard

So may people I meet have lost no hope to find the “right person” these days. Many go from one relationship to the other to find the one . This is something we are taught from very early on. I was one of these people and have made every classic mistake in dating that the experts will advise you not to do. Looking back at the mistakes I made and some of the silly advise from some of these experts and there books I am spending do much time reading I realized something; None of it really helped… It was not the mistakes I had made that destroyed the relationships, and these guys were not the devil incarnate. As soon as I came to terms with myself and stopped the games and unrealistic search things started to become much simpler and easier. Here is what happened

 

To begin, I had a thought that it was time to give up and come to terms with being alone. Now this is probably the complete opposite of what you want but I needed to realize that It was a possibility and face it like a man (lol) If like me this is a fear of yours then face it and come to terms with it because if you face your fear then there is nothing to fear any longer. So yes, I am recommending being alone for a while… I did this and it really changed my outlook and perspective. In fact I was still in this mindset when Ryan came in to my life and I have never been happier!

 

Next, I stopped worrying about why my ex’s hurt me, don’t call, play games and are a constant pain in my ass. I did something huge I changed my number and deleted there’s. I finally just said I am done with this garbage. They told me I was not good enough for them and honestly now that I look back thank god I wasn’t. I look back and think how much time I wasted on Men who rejected me it makes me sick. Instead I started spending my time having a good time with friends, making more friends, working hard, and for the first time thinking about myself and what I wanted in life…

 

lastly, Over this time I stopped thinking about the perfect man and began thinking about my perfect life. This change in accepting being alone and focusing on myself gave me the rare opportunity to create a true image of what I wanted my life to look like. I did not care any longer about qualities of a man, instead think about qualities of yourself and your life.

 

After all of these things happened to me I finally was no longer searching for a man and instead simply searching for a better overall life for myself. The ironic part is I found my prince charming just a few months later because I was no longer looking for the wrong things in life. He is perfect and if I did make a list of qualities in a man he is who I should have been looking for all along. I now focus on my dreams and am so happy with a man who supports me and loves me. If you want love then give up and love yourself first…

Written by Nichole Grimshaw

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Also check out-

http://happinessecrets.blogspot.com/2013/07/what-is-fool.html

 

http://happinessecrets.blogspot.com/2013/06/expecting-miracles.html

 

http://happinessecrets.blogspot.com/2013/06/indespensable-leadership-qualities.html

 

http://happinessecrets.blogspot.com/2013/04/are-you-right-or-left-brained.html

 

 http://happinessecrets.blogspot.com/2013/06/power-of-prayer-trusting-and-letting-go.html

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Where are you getting your Energy from?

 

 

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The concept of Control Dramas first appeared when we saw the popularity of the Celestine Prophecy. This Book written by James Redfield brings up the concept of energy sharing between individuals. Everything in the universe is made up of energy and we all have our own field of energy. This energy can be positive or negative, fun, loving, etc… These fields change based on our emotions and we can control the energy around us based on our thoughts. Yet, we all need a source of energy to replace the energy we lose. The most enlightened of people will gain the source of energy from within themselves and the universe; however, most of us are taught to gain it from others through Control Dramas. There are 4 control dramas and each of us tend to fit in to one category as a main way of gaining energy from others.

 

4 Types of Control Dramas- 

 

1. Intimidator– This is the aggressive personality. the person who demands attention, respect, and authority. These people tend to gain energy from others through physical gestures, glares, yelling, etc…

 

2. Poor Me– This is the counterpart of the Intimidator and these people tend to be a by- product of having an intimidator in their life. These are the people who gain energy and attention through pity of others. They want people to constantly empathize with them. 

 

3. Interrogator– The interrogator is the person who tries to retrieve personal information by constant questioning. These people tend to need to know things like where someone is all the time, where people are going, saying, doing, and are constantly asking questions assuming that something is going on?

 

4. Aloof– The Aloof personality is in turn the counterpart of the interrogator. This control drama is the person who seems to take a back seat, never caring and is always indifferent to everything. This person makes people interrogate because of true lack of caring. Although, not controlling is important being aloof is more similar to neglect.

 

Our entire lives we have a constant depletion of energy from control dramas. These are small or large, in fact it seems almost impossible not to manipulate or control in some way using control dramas. For example, a teenager needs to drive a friend to the airport. This person says I will bring you if you pay for gas. This is an intimidator. Demanding of something for something else, and then the friend might say oh but I have no money for gas and then they become the Poor me. This is a very small example but they happen on various scales each day. So how can we Break these control dramas?

 

1. let go of Competition– Instead of competing with others cooperate. This may mean doing things without need for anything in order to readily give. Instead do not expect anything from anyone just give readily.

2. Fear– Let go of fear and imposing it on other people. Fear is a useless emotion which has no positive outcome. being fearful of a negative outcome in your life will only result in exactly what you think. If you find yourself in a control drama with another then let go, walk away and find someone who will help you and wants to cooperate.Release all fear!

3. Action vs. Reaction– Do not react to people and what they say. This is the hardest of all in my opinion because we all have the need to defend ourselves is someone is taking our energy. Instead just know yourself and who you are. no one should and can affect who you are as a person and your belief is yourself.  Action on the other hand is moving towards what you are drawn to do and will help you and others around you without depleting energy. It will be easy and feel good. The best example of this is when Jesus said Turn the other cheek!

Therefore, In order to manage control dramas all you need to do is begin to manage your own energy. These things can be done by finding peace with in yourself. This is through letting go and centering yourself. There are many ways to do this different breathing techniques, having high self worth, meditation, etc…. It is really your journey and your choice.

 

good ways to retrain your brain and gain self worth see post below

 

http://happinessecrets.blogspot.com/2013/06/retrain-your-brain-my-favorite.html

 

http://happinessecrets.blogspot.com/2013/04/what-is-mindfullness-and-its-benifets.html

 

written by Nichole Grimshaw

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Create a Habit of Personal Development

 

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When it comes to success we need to consistently participate in self development that will aid us in reaching our goals . Creating positive habits of successful people can be one of the more difficult but more beneficial changes a person can make early on with the goal setting and Leadership process. For anyone who wants to find success whether it be running your own business, going back to school to better yourself, or taking on a trade or art the best first step to take is to change ingrained negative habits in to positive ones. Below you will find 4 ways to start to change your Habits and begin to to work towards your goals.

 

1. Positive Thought– Change the way you talk to yourself and about yourself. Nothing is stronger than the power of belief. The more you say you can do something or are doing something the more motivated you will become. The same is true if you feel like a task is difficult or cant be done; Either way you are RIGHT!

 

2. Make the most of your time– Ask yourself in each task Am I making the most of my time? the majority of people spend time online surfing the web, watching TV, shopping or doing other various meaningless tasks that do not help you reach your goals. Are you just doing meaningless tasks and what is most important. I recommend creating daily objectives to be hit that will help you make the small steps to getting the goals you set accomplished.

 

3. Don’t get frustrated if you do not see immediate results– many of us have been trained to want instant gratification and when we do not see reinforcement for each objective we tend have the need psychologically to please ourselves and this often leads to quitting right before things start to pay off! I recommend setting up a reward program for yourself to help motivate yourself to continue working hard through the small daily objectives you have set up.

 

4. self study- learn about yourself and what you believe. This will involve looking inwards and overhauling the psychological information ingrained in your subconscious mind. For example, how well do you believe you perform various tasks, is your self esteem high or low and once you see your strengths and weaknesses begin to reprogram your mind to focus on success and positive attributes. I highly recommend using subliminal messages and Positive self talk

 

written by Nichole Grimshaw

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Did you like this also read-  

The Importance of Goal setting and Objectives-http://happinessecrets.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-importance-of-goal-setting-and.html

 

Books all successful people read- http://happinessecrets.blogspot.com/2013/04/the-books-all-successful-people-read.html 

 

 Creative Visualization Technique for Various Learning styles- http://happinessecrets.blogspot.com/2013/04/creative-visualization-techniques-for.html

APPRECIATION THE KEY TO GETTING EVERYONE TO LIKE YOU

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When you meet someone who just seems to be loved by all people around them do you ever wonder what it is that draws people in. Many times we say it is charisma and charm, positivity or I have even heard people blame this likeability on looks. It is true that these things can make a positive first impression but they never sustain likeability. The one quality you do find amongst the most loved and respected people is there capability to appreciate the efforts and qualities of others around them. For example, Oprah one of the most loved people in the entire world gives back to millions of people and recognizes the strengths of others in the majority of her programs. Yet, when you look at her physically she is nothing special and still she has the ability to influence millions of us each and every day. Now Oprah has many ways to show appreciation to the people in her life and the world who deserve it but on a smaller level we can definitely begin to do the same things. Here are a couple of ways to show appreciation today for the people in your life who are amazing!

 

written by Nichole Grimshaw

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20 Simple Ways To Show Appreciation

Post written by Sherri Kruger
  1. A heart felt thank-you note/card.
  2. Gift certificate to their favorite coffee shop.
  3. Fresh baking for their early morning meeting.
  4. Fresh cut flowers to be passed around the office. Include a card that says: A little something to brighten your day. I’m yours for two hours then give me away.
  5. Invite your friend or co-worker out for a cup of coffee or a drink after work.
  6. Lend a hand when a friend or family member is painting or remodeling their home.
  7. If you know your friend wants to get organized but is having a tough time starting, buy them a book on organizing, some containers and nice notebook.
  8. Cook a meal so they don’t have to after a long day at work.
  9. Frame one of their favorite pictures.
  10. Share a plant or a plant clipping.
  11. Pick up some groceries and drop them off on your way home.
  12. Return a favor. If your neighbor always shovels your walk way or mows your grass get out there before him or her and do theirs for a change.
  13. Watch your niece or nephew for an afternoon to give their parents some time off.
  14. Make reservations at their favorite restaurant.
  15. Make a candle light dinner at home for your spouse.
  16. Give a hug. Yes it can be that simple.
  17. Tell them what you think they are particularly great at.
  18. Write notes to leave on a pillow, a computer keyboard, or in a lunch box.
  19. Give a hand made gift. Winter is in full swing here, so how about a knitted scarf or mitts? Or a center piece for their table.
  20. Make a special day just for them. Plan a day for them around what they enjoy. Go with them if it’s appropriate
  21.   http://www.zenfamilyhabits.net/2009/12/20-simple-ways-to-show-appreciation/

Altruism and Oneness

Altruism is the unselfish concern for the welfare of others. Altruism is the scientific term for selflessness. I recently was debating with someone whether it is a genetic trait that we are born with or if altruism is something we consciously choose to do, or if it actually exists at all. From an evolutionary standpoint altruism is counter productive because it does not benefit survival of the individual. Yet, It does Benefit the survival of the species if we are helping each other. If we are looking at people as a whole it has been seen that people will put the greater good as a whole species above the needs and survival of the individual. This is seen for example, on 911 when people ran in to help the survival of others, putting their lives in danger with no real benefit to the individual. This is our oneness we look at and if we are motivated to survive as a whole species is it selflessness if genetically we are driven to act and help in these situations. Tell me what your views are?

 

written by Nichole Grimshaw

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 Do you like this also check out these posts –  

 

Why Study Empathyhttp://happinessecrets.blogspot.com/2013/05/why-study-empathy.html

 

What is Mindfulness and its Benefitshttp://happinessecrets.blogspot.com/2013/04/what-is-mindfullness-and-its-benifets.html 

 

ARE YOUR RIDGID BELIEFS HOLDING YOU BACK?

Many of us see our morals we are taught as children, accept the tangible world that is created by the parents and structures around us, we have a strict concept of right and wrong. I question all authority and wonder why we do not simply try to understand happiness and hold ourselves back from what we truly want. a lot of this time our sense of right and wrong, obligation, lack of creating is what holds us back from the happiness. I have said many times that we are constantly being held back by the beliefs of other people as well. We have been told over and over what we can and can not do well by others around us. Then, we become what they tell us over time. I want everyone to begin to create their own lives based on what they want and have always wanted. Learn to question the authority of those around them. So, how can we do this? Three ways, we place ourselves around like minded people, learn empathy and unconditional love and understanding, and finally we learn to control our thoughts and beliefs. 


First of all, Everyone around us is here to help us along and the supportive people you need are there in your life but are they the people you spend your life with. For example, I have a friend who I truly love because he has an idea and we make it happen when we are together. The reason is we are creative energy because of the freedom. This is a platonic relationship that i ran in to by attracting like minded people. Now, I can easily not spend my focus on this friendship which is new and continue to be around the egotistical friends who have goals that will never satisfy them. This is my will and choice ( and of course sometimes I do) to be with who I want. Find the people who have the closest perspective on life as you do. These people are here to help you and begin to create and believe in yourself. 


Next, Learning to understand and feel everyone’s thoughts and feelings as a wholeness and oneness. This is true energy and what most of us would consider Christ consciousness. I always say my ability to feel what others do leads me to forgive and love all people no matter what they have done. I have always known compassion and can step in to others shoes. for most of us this is something we need to learn. It is compassion that leads us to make the correct choices and not hurt the people who will always be held back, cant seem to find true happiness in their lives, and believe the material possessions will be all there is and yet they cant create anything helpful to achieve the possessions they covet. Compassion and Empathy lead us to true understanding of ourselves and others. This is what lets us discover what it is like to be the starving artist and understand their creativity, it is what lets us understand the child born in to a third world country and we may create an organization that saves them, or finding our compassion around the earth and we become people who want peace overall or environmental clean up. The wider our compassion and understanding reaches the more creative we become and the more we are driven to act upon it. This is what brings us true success!


Lastly, We need to understand the majority of people are going to be living life by popular media and controlled culture. This will lead them to tell you that you cant accomplish what you dream of or want. the more you hear this the more you believe it. start reprogramming your beliefs by telling yourself you can do it. Remember everything around us starts as inspired thought and action. Simply think it and move towards it. tell yourself you will and can the entire way and do not listen to the Haters. If they do not believe let them hold themselves back in life not you. 


To end my rant today, I want to leave you with the thought of whether or not you simply accept what you are told and limit yourself to the world other people create or you go out and make a reality that is both rewarding, loving and amazing. Now is the best time to begin to change the limits you have for yourself and to Make the future better for everyone. Go live the life you want.

 

written by NIchole Grimshaw

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What is Christ Consciousness?

This is a question I am asked often? I personally do not like the term because it makes the term Christ Consciousness seem only available to Christians but this is not the case. Christ consciousness is our ability  to become a full and spiritually whole person. Spirit is everything around us and connects every object, person and animal on earth through one conscious energy stream.This spirit is what makes us all act as one, create and love. the ascension in to Christ consciousness is becoming aware of the spirit and feel for everything around us. This includes the empathy and love for everyone you meet and come in to contact with.

 

 OK so if Christ consciousness is not limited to only Christians then why do we call it Christ consciousness. It is simple, because Jesus when on earth achieved this enlightened state of living. He displayed unbelievable love and compassion for all life. No matter what you believe you have to agree that this is a beautiful thought. Therefore; it is simple studying the actions and feelings of Jesus are so much more valuable than the words that we misconstrue in to some religion that can change upon one mans ego or needs at any given moment. If we follow his compassion, trust, and need to create, teach, save, help, etc… His love of all people and appreciation is what we were suppose to learn not the words which are open to interpretation.  

 

 

written by NIchole Grimshaw

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My Great Wish

 

The question is posed to me all the time about why some people are not normal and capable of simply not caring wondering or wanting more knowledge in their life. From what I am aware of some people choose to love rather than think and be logical. they are led by their heart and spirit. Most people today are led by their heads. In my opinion being led by the head is a negative aspect. It leads to selfishness, worldliness, ego, and violence. This is the pain I feel all the time. Although, I realize I am different, Like most others I am often affected negatively from it and I make the wish often that I was normal and had that male dominant brain. I pose the question to people is it better to be powerful and self satisfying than compassionate and selfless. I have made the promise to never take anything the world gives me without giving back to someone who needs it. I have decided that half of anything I make will go to charity and bettering the world. This includes half of the book I am writing. So many people need more and are never helped. I can not look the other way anymore. I challenge others to begin to help as well. Create a movement of compassion and start to teach others and help others!

 

 

 

 

 

written by NIchole Grimshaw

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What is Mindfulness ?

 

 

 

Mindfulness is a principal stemming out of Buddhist practices that help the mind relax and reflect which helps an individual gain greater awareness and understanding of themselves and the world. Mindfulness helps an individual see the true understanding of a situation, problem, or event by changing the perspective an individual views it from. Many people find they gain empathy and compassion for others around them through the regular practice of mindfulness as well as many other physical benefits.


some of the physical benefits of mindfulness are 


1. stress management- people who practice mindfulness tend to have a higher threshold for stress and stressful situations. people who gain ability to stop negative thoughts through mindfulness help individuals to reduce the feeling of stress in their body 


2. higher self esteem- people who practice mindfulness tend to have a feeling of higher greatness and a full belief that they can accomplish anything they want on their own and see solutions rather than problems in their life. 


3. greater energy and enthusiasm- people who have a practice of relaxation and quieting the mind tend to find themselves more energetic throughout the day and a love for learning and new activities. This has been linked to the ability to find peace in any situation as well as the belief in their own abilities.


4. improved sleep and health- one of the main causes for lack of sleep is restlessness, which is the opposite of mindfulness. the inability to stop thinking can cause people to have trouble sleeping and staying asleep throughout the night. The practice of controlling your thoughts and feelings will allow for a more controlled dreaming pattern and allow a person to fall asleep more easily. 



Now, you may be asking how you can practice mindfulness. Well the first step is learning to control thoughts. Many find meditation as a great way to find control of there thoughts. yet, so many of us need ways to control thoughts during daily activities as well. I find focusing on my breathing for a few minutes at a time a good way to push out the thoughts for a few moments in time. Prayer is also a great form of mindfulness (as long as you can let go afterwards) and music therapy is a great way to change your mood suddenly and start to create positive rather than negative thoughts. 

 

 

written by NIchole Grimshaw

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Gregg Braden – The Divine Matrix

The entire world is created by what we believe to be true. This is something we either control or let go control of. This is true of every person on earth. Yet, so many of us let others and there story dictate what we believe about ourselves and others. Imagine a world were nothing bad ever happens again because our belief about who we are is so strong that we realize anything happening will bring us greater good. Miracles of belief happen every day and yet as humans we neglect to create our own miracles. For example, cancer becomes healed simply by a touch of another human being with a strong belief. Looking back at my entire world I can see how i created the situations I am currently going through based on my beliefs. Now, if i want a change I am capable of changing things once again. I will change my world drastically and prove the power of belief and love are all we need in life.

written by NIchole Grimshaw

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